On a lighter note...

...I would like to share a photo essay of my trip to Singapore. And at the risk of being labeled as a spammer (because this is my second post for the day), I am presenting to you now some picture I took during my trip. I manipulated them a bit to make them more interesting...

A Journey through Faith

Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way

These were the first few lines of Jeremy Camp's song, "Walk by Faith". I remember listening to this song while I was in a deep predicament that forced me to rethink my faith and what it meant to me. The challenge seemed so simple in hindsight, but back then I remember feeling like God had just given the death sentence to all my hopes and dreams.

When I think about what month it is today, I can't help but smile and shake my head at the thought about all those times I've cried and pleaded for heaven's mercy. That was around the first quarter of this year. Back then I knew that my mother was about to leave for the States and I was determined to go with her. There was no prospect in sight until a generous heart offered me a job in her family's business. You'd think this was the answer I've been waiting for, right? Well, not exactly.

As we started processing the papers needed for the work visa, we began to see the many obstacles that seemed to block my chances of getting approved. We looked at other possibilities like initially applying for a tourist visa, but the odds don't seem to work in my favor. Slowly, I could see the doors shutting down and one day I just broke down having accepted that I will not be with my mom on her wedding day and worse...I will be left here...alone.

A friend once introduced me to this song by Jeremy Camp. She was going through a faith crisis of her own when she discovered this song. The lyrics were quite simple and easy to understand...

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

...but to me, they were hidden truths that seemed to evade my searching heart. I even came to the point where I can't bring myself to sing the words out loud because I knew that I would be lying through my teeth - pretending that I have faith...that I believe...that I know His great plans for me will soon be revealed - when I know I don't.

I admit it was so much easier to doubt and to put the blame on somebody. I blamed all those Filipinos who were given the chance to go to the States as tourists only to stay there for good - ILLEGALLY. I blamed the US government for all their wrong decisions and bad practices that placed them in financial disarray which ultimately led to the restrictions and limitations for hiring foreign workers....who, I might add, have all the legal documents, as well as the capacity to do a great job for the company they would work for! Heck, I even blamed my own mother for wanting to get married again...and to a foreigner at that!

It was a struggle for me to get back to my feet and start walking the path to faith again. It felt like I was in a very dark underground tunnel and given a small lit candle bright enough to only get me through the next small step. The fact that I can't see through the end of it was killing me. I have always been the planner - always had that sense of direction. How do I get that sense of direction when I don't even know where I'm headed?

They say that if God closes a door, he opens a window. But what do you do when both doors and windows had shut down, locked and heavily bolted? Where do you go from there?

And for the next few months, I asked God the very same question. In fact I am still asking Him up to now...

You see, I have made FAITH into an adjective that would define my identity. Of course if that's who you are, then you don't really have to work at it. But FAITH is not a descriptive word. It's an action word. It challenges your very knowledge, your very existence. It forces you to reevaluate your life and what you stand for. It is a strong conviction that pushes you to move forward eventhough you are not sure what lies ahead. And you don't get to this place unless you challenge yourself to actually BELIEVE.

The asking did me a lot of good. And as events began to unfold closely after the demise of my American dream, so did the answers start pouring in. I realized then that I would have compromised a lot if I was allowed to go to the States - and this is NOT the kind of compromise that would eventually be worth it. I was given another vision...a dream - the kind that I know, for a fact, I shouldn't let go. I was given the first step, part of which is to step out of my comfort zone and travel alone. So I went to Singapore. That easy? I tell you it's not.

The path that led me there was not one of least resistance. The struggle to financially provide for the trip, the never-ending emotional and spiritual battle I had to go through and the constant question floating inside my head, that again, "where will this all lead me", made it a roller-coaster ride. But when I was in Singapore, a realization hit me as I was by the beach writing on my journal. There I said these words....

"Perhaps I am beginning to see that it is not the what, the where or the who that is really important. It is how and why certain things and events have been allowed and continue to be allowed to happen in my life to make it more meaningful. I sit here marveling at the thought that this is what living under grace feels like. So this is what it's like to listen to the Spirit, heed your voice and your call as I walk my daily walk? Though I wouldn't want to live in regret, I couldn't help but wonder how I've missed out on a lot of things just because I've held on so much to the belief that I know what was best for me. But now I know that I know nothing at all. Because I am here, sitting by the beach, thinking how the events that transpired had led me to this place...and I couldn't be more grateful."

Nothing has changed since the time I wrote those words, and yet the feeling is not the same. I am still in the wondering stage - wondering what my next step will be, what will happen when I finally take that leap and not knowing what's in stored for me in 2012, but my response now is a far cry from what it used to be. Now, I can say I'm excited. I wait with anticipation as I embark on the next leg of my own version of the amazing race. I have a couple of soft plans laid out for next year, but nothing concrete that the Lord can't change or mix up. FINALLY....Finally I can say, "yes, I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see; because this broken road, prepares His will for me."

Blog CPR: Breathing New Life to my Blog AND my Life

I'm so bad at this...keeping a blog that is...

After more than a year of blogging hiatus, I've finally decided to resuscitate my blog...and this is for the obvious reasons that a) I'm a freelance online writer who can maintain other people's blogs but can't even keep my own, and b) I am in the crossroads of my life, and there's no better way to chronicle the experience but to blog about it.

And so here goes my first entry after such a loooooooooonnnngggggg time. I will shy away from the usual puns and stop myself from giving you a "how to" on giving your dying blog a CPR, to give way for some updates and much needed realizations on the life of this singleton.

Let's go back to the last quarter of 2010. It was the end of an era for me. As I start to think about the changes, not just in the events that shaped my adult single life, but my overall view and perspective of things, I have come to the conclusion that my aversion (or allergic reaction) to the word (change) can only be cured by a paradigm shift.

I have constantly prayed for the moment that I can finally get out of the culdesac of my own making but when the answers finally came, I was more shocked than glad to see them coming. It was not because I was ungrateful or too picky...it's just that...well...they're not exactly how I envisioned them in my head.

Who would have thought that my mom, a woman who doesn't go out much and nearly twice my age would be so blessed to find love the second time around? Who would have thought that this would lead to the culmination of my lifelong quest to freedom and complete independence? Who would have guessed that a quick stint with the same company who nearly kicked my sorry tush 'round the corner would be the only way to heal my shattered self-esteem and broken sense of worth? Who would have known that in nearly 2 years without an entry for this single lady's blog, that a)there's still not a man, boy, lad, guy, or bloke in sight, b) I am not ashamed to admit it, and c) I can honestly say, I'm perfectly alright with it? I certainly wouldn't have thought, guessed or known, but they all happened the way they did, just as God had intended them to be...an antidote to my self-reliance and know-it-all attitude.

And as I write this entry intended to breathe new life into my blog, I am beginning to understand why...

Around the same time last year, I was listening to a sermon about Earnest Expectations. Just as I reflected on Philippians 1:19-20 the words, "For I know", "will all turn for my deliverance", and "For I live in eager expectation" began to pop out of the pages and I dug in deeper, relished the moment, and started making a list of the things I can only hope for and imagine. I turned to my journal and recalled the 3 things I wrote on my list:

• be DEBT FREE!!!
• travel to Asia
• meet new people that will have great contributions in my life

To this day, I am still amazed and beyond perplexed as to how these 3 became a reality this year. Yes, I still have a long list filled with my heart's deepest desires that have yet to be fulfilled. Yes, I know the way to get here was not exactly how I had mapped it out in my head...and yet it's perfectly alright. The change in perspective did me a lot of good. I was finally viewing my situation and lot in life from a different vantage point - a point of view where I see the re-routes and detours as unexpected blessings and the gateway to a richer and fuller existence. And if you continue to read my blog, I promise to divulge more in the coming posts...

After all is said and done, I'm pretty sure that I'm not cut out for the garden variety of a life that others have...and I'm okay with that. In fact, I LIVE for that. It certainly makes for an exciting journey and a good blog. I guess that is where I am getting this renewed sense of purpose and inspiration to start writing for myself again.

That is why in the coming days I intend to go back to the events that led me to this post. Hopefully, you'll come along for the trip down memory lane with me and let's celebrate the rebirth of this blog. :)

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Debtus Goneus!

"Probably the very best thing my earnings have given me is absence of worry. I have not forgotten what it feels like to worry whether you'll have enough to pay the bills. Not to have to think about that any more is the biggest luxury in the world."

- J.K. Rowling

These are the words spoken by a real-life wizard. Harry Potter may have killed Tom Riddle/Voldermort, but he cannot wave his magic wand at Citibank or cast a spell at American Express to make the debts and obligations go away. (I bet he couldn't even move the due date) A true financial wizard is one who can create a source of boundless income, eliminate a mountain of debts and retire to a pleasant life with one's own pension. And that is why, instead of quoting from the famous Robert Kiyosaki, a.k.a. the "Rich Dad Guru", I chose the words of a humble author of a fantasy novel who lived that life more than she taught and wrote about it.

I would like to get a taste of what Rowling is talking about in her quote. The absence of worry and experiencing the luxury of knowing that your bills will get paid on time. I have made terrible decisions in the past that turned into terrible mistakes and led me to experience terrible consequences. Worry for me became a constant companion, it felt like if I had a twin sister, her name would either be "Worry" or "Anxiety." And it is a shame because I have been boasting about my ability to manage my finances. I wasn't nicknamed "Wa-is si Miss" for nothing. And my parents never really failed to teach me the right values in handling money. So what the hell happened?!

It was really just a case of mismanagement. As much as it hurts to admit it (and in a public blog, no less), but I did mismanage more than just my money, but also my time, my resources and my talents. Somewhere along the way though, I paused to think about finding a way out of this predicament. And that's when I started putting my act together to device a plan that I can actually pull-off.

So there it was...I have written a spell that will cast away all my fears and anxieties.


"Debtus Goneus!" I say. Suddenly, there was a bright light in the sky, the clouds parted and I saw a rainbow. At the end of it there was the leprechaun with a pot of gold and Harry Potter holding up a sign that says, "I am not Irish, you idiot!"

Obviously I am not knowledgeable in Hogwarts school of Wizardry. But I am educated in the Real World's school of hard knocks. I may have gotten a little carried away with the last part of that little anecdote (although I am hoping against hope that some agent will stumble upon this post and pitch the idea for a sequel of that nature to Ms. Rowling), but nothing is more real than the fact that this experience had raised an alarm in my head that I can still reverse the curse that had befallen my financial life. It is with great concern that I urge you to follow me in the practice of the four S's: settle, save, scrimp and scurry.

S-ettle all your debts and live no stone unturned and no obligations unpaid. Negotiate payment plans with credit card companies and stick with it. Avoidance is not an option. Face your debtors and live up to your obligations. After all, you cannot expect them to magically disappear if you kept denying their existence, so might as well get on with it and pay it all off while you still have the means to do so.

S-ave whatever is left after settling all your bills. Doesn't matter if you do it through a regular bank or just your old school piggy bank, the important thing is you have a safe place to store your excess.

S-crimp on your lifestyle. At some point you have to realize that something in your lifestyle has to change. Learn to tighten the belt if you need to and only splurge when you have more than enough to spare.

S-curry to find means to double your income. Need I say more?

It is funny to learn financial lessons from an author that is a)I am not a huge fan of, b)not a financial guru and c)made a fortune by telling the story of a boy with round-rimmed glasses and an intriguing scar on his forehead. But her rags to riches story is inspirational enough especially for a wannabe writer like me. Her story encourages me to re-write my own story and dictate my version of success. I may not write the next big fantasy series of my generation, but I will consider it a big success if I am able to get a taste of what it feels like to worry less and to live more...to live my dreams instead of just dwelling on them...and to find my own scrawny, black-haired bespectacled lad that can help inspire me to make my own mark in this world.

Freelancing Free Falling

They say going freelance is like jumping off a cliff. In my case, jumping into a very deep hole inside an underground cave is more like it.


I don't really know what possessed me to take this route. I have certainly taken some risks in the past, but calculated ones at that. There is always a plan, a contingency, a potential risk solution and a safety net. I have never been one to say (or sing) "whatever will be, will be." So why now? Why go freelance?

It was because everything in my life, after all, was in disarray. My hopes and dreams were pretty vague. But one thing I know for sure is that there are opportunities out there that are waiting to be discovered.

I was still employed as an Account Manager for a training firm when the opportunity came up. I was in need of a second income that will not go against my work schedule and responsibilities. Being the obsessive compulsive freak that I am, I laid out my skills and work experience before me and opened my computer to look for opportunities online that will match my qualifications. And there it was...this one ad that caught my eye. A Philippine-based company with overseas clients seeking for new web content are actually looking for article writers to write for them. Isn't that sweet? Of course the procrastinator in me also led to a month long application procedure...but that's better saved for another post.

The point here is this...I have always thought that I would spend the rest of my working life as an employee, just like my parents. After all, it does offer stability, a steady income, and a nice comfortable spot you can call your own. You have been spoken for as opposed to speaking for yourself. Someone else is lobbying for your rights as against having to lobby them yourself. It was a safe ground for me...somewhere I was pretty sure I wouldn't fail. But lo and behold I did. Was it that I'm not cut out to be part of this world? Maybe. Did my interest in climbing the corporate ladder falter through the years? Perhaps. But the bottom line is that the moment I actually stopped feeling anything and I felt my senses and my actions go on auto-pilot, I knew that I was diving head first into unchartered territories. The moment the nights when I write these articles became the highlight of my day, I knew that another kind of life was waiting for me on the other side.

The big question was whether I would jump or not.

Here are some of my shoulds as I prepared to take that leap:

• I should at least have some savings. The savings definitely helped keep the bills paid and credit card debts resolved.
• I should have some form of protection. Not the kind most of you are thinking of, probably, but the kind that will give me personal security against any kind of danger. (like of the medical kind).
  
• I should have a strategy in getting projects and look for more than one means to earn an income.
• I should have explored all other options for making money through the internet and other sources of income prior to my resignation.
• I should have a car.
• I should have a wealthy husband that will feed me in case I turn into one of those starving writer cliches
  
• I should write my goals down on paper.

The first four were quite easy to accomplish, but the last three were obviously the result of my capriciousness. For one, it is hard to buy a car when you are obviously just starting out with a new gig. Second, it's not like you can place an ad for a wealthy husband and expect qualified applicants to come straight at your doorstep. And third...well...I just basically ran out of time to do that before I got booted out.

So there goes my list. And no, it does not make for a nice fall. In fact, I am still free falling as we speak. Well, not so much as falling, but more like floating really.

Once you go freelance, you cannot rest on your laurels and expect a nice outcome. There probably is no enough preparation for anyone who are willing to take that step of faith. The shoulds that prepared me for this occasion have only settled my beliefs that if things turn for the worse, I know that I can still survive. Your preparation will not help stop the fall; it's like a parachute in that sense...it only makes for a soft landing. If that statement scares the hell out of you, then you should think twice before going on your own. But if you see that as a challenge, like I did, then get ready to jump.

One thing I've realized in my years of employment is that I was always working my way up. This was the first time in years, I took a step knowing I could easily fall and get hurt. But I soon realized that taking that free fall is not so bad especially if you're not exactly having a nice time with the view from the top. The deep hole of the unknown is not just filled with scary thoughts of failure, but more than that, it is filled with hope for greener pastures. Who knows, I might reach greater heights after taking quite the fall. And I will surely let you know if and when that happens.

7 Years Post Grad

People. Lots of people. The streets are buzzing with people noise, crowded with people steps and surrounded by people's endless chatter. It is the month of June.

June. It's that time of year again when students go back to old routines of notebooks, assignments and terror teachers. Their parents find themselves scraping the bottom of the barrel after emptying their wallets, piggy banks and safety deposit box for their children's tuition.

I am no stranger to this scenario because I was once that student and my parents used to be one of those parents.

7 years have gone by in a blur. It seemed like it was only yesterday that I came running towards the steps of my university -- excited to start my first class as a college freshman. Filled with hopes and idealistic fervor, I came, I saw and I conquered. The time came when I had to leave the comforting halls that had been my home of 4 years. I took a last long look and bid my beloved Alma Mater farewell. And now, it has been 7 years post graduation. How time flies. Bummer.

So anyway, as I thought about my life for the past 7 years that I had been paying my taxes which is indeed an expensive membership fee in the association of the working citizens, I half expected to have found a job I truly feel passionate about, have a husband or at least be in a relationship and would have gotten out of my mother's hair...er...I mean lair. But of course like all the great oxymoron of this world, I am nowhere near that playing field. Another bummer.

But the good thing about life is that when it gives you lemons, you can always turn into lemonade (or at least that's the stuff you read in text messages these days). Life had been a series of ups and downs for me...highs and lows...mountain peaks and rock bottoms. In these 7 odd years, I have had 8 employers, been in at least 3 career shifts, dated but never committed, got myself into trouble with credit card companies and lost my dad. I have lived some of my dreams and failed at some. I have experienced joys, pains and trials. I have enjoyed friendships...lost some and gained some new ones in the process. I have learned a lot about myself and the faith that keeps me going. I have lived.

So if you ask me if I would trade the richness of my life experiences, trials and mistakes for a million successes, a house of my own, luxury trips around the world and a husband that either looks like Richard Armitage or Eric Bana...I would have to say...yes I would. But then there would be a dead silence for a couple of minutes. I would stop and think and after much convincing from the Holy Spirit I would probably have turned down the offer.

My life as I know it, may not be within the terms I have set 7 years prior to graduation. Had I known, I would not have been excited to graduate! Though things may not have turned out the way I would have expected, the turn towards the unexpected made for one heck of a joyride. I keep seeing this nice Utopia of a world I am currently living in -- a place where I am just like everybody else. I am neither at the top, nor at the bottom. I am no longer this obsessive over achiever that is too stressed and too self-absorbed to see the big picture. And I never knew it would feel this good to have just enough manna to live for the day; because I know I have only to work on my faithfulness with what little is entrusted of me before I am given much.

Yes, it is true that it has been 7 years post graduation...and yet somehow, I feel as if my journey is just about to start.